Someone to Be With You: The Work of an End-of-Life Doula

When someone is nearing the end of life, there can be a great deal happening at once. There are medical decisions, visits from friends and family, moments of uncertainty, and sometimes long stretches when what a person needs most is simply a calm presence beside them.

That is one of the gifts an end-of-life doula can offer. I spend time with patients and their families, listening to what matters to them and finding ways to offer comfort. Every person is different, so the support I give will look different from one visit to the next. We might talk, share a memory, sit quietly together, or hold hands if that is welcome. Sometimes I am there so a family member can step away for a little while knowing their loved one has company.

I have volunteered with Care Dimensions for about twelve years, visiting patients in their homes, in nursing homes, and at the Kaplan Family Hospice House in Danvers. When I learned that Care Dimensions was developing an end-of-life doula program, I felt drawn to help bring it to life. Much of my work now is at Kaplan House, alongside a staff whose dedication and tenderness I see every day.

A doula’s relationship with a patient can take many forms. At Kaplan House, I may meet someone in the last days of their life. I have also accompanied a patient for eighteen months. Over that time, I have come to know the rhythms of their home and traveled with the family through the changes and uncertainties of illness. That kind of relationship is a privilege. It begins with listening and grows at the pace the patient and family choose.

For some people, faith is an important source of comfort. One patient asked to have scripture read aloud. On my visits, she was often asleep or unable to respond, but I would say her name, read a psalm, and pray with her. At the end of our last visit, she opened her eyes and said, “Amen.” I treasure that moment. For someone else, comfort might come through conversation, music, a familiar story, or quiet without any words at all. I follow the person’s lead.

End-of-life doulas work alongside the doctors, nurses, social workers, spiritual counselors, and others who care for patients and families. We can offer time and companionship within that circle of care. We do not need to fill every silence. Sometimes being present, and being willing to take each day as it comes, is the most helpful thing we can do.

If you are wondering whether a doula might help you or someone you love, you do not have to know exactly what to ask for. We can begin with a conversation about the person, the family, and what would bring comfort now.

Learn more about the Care Dimensions end-of-life doula program at CareDimensions.org/Doulas.