Patient Stories

An Unexpected Gift: A Family's Hospice House Experience

"Is this where I come to fade away?" Nancy Haslett asked her son Adam, as they arrived at her room at the Care Dimensions Hospice House in Lincoln. It was a phrasing that suited Nancy, who was known for her direct, thoughtful way of speaking about life's most important moments.

The hospice house was a welcome shift in atmosphere from the hospital she had been in. Nancy had a corner room on the second floor with views of the autumn leaves – a perfect setting for someone who had always found joy in nature.

"She loved the room," Adam recalls. "The leaves were turning. We brought flowers in."

Soon after settling in, Nancy's daughter Julia got her a bowl of vanilla ice cream – her favorite – in what would essentially become her final meal.

Nancy spent the next eight days at the hospice house, surrounded by friends and family. Her terminal diagnosis was obviously difficult to accept, but coming to the house was her choice, the preferred option rather than seeking further curative treatments that offered no guarantees of quality of life.

"She was very clear and direct with us about ceasing treatment," Adam explains. "And, having witnessed traumatic deaths in our family, she wanted to make sure this experience was more peaceful, not only for her, but for us.”

Julia reflected on the moment when the path became clear. "When the doctor said, 'Do you want to go into hospice?' it was like a light bulb went off and she was like 'Hospice. That's what I want.'"

A Life of Learning and Connection

Nancy Haslett lived a full 88 years. A lifelong admirer of French culture, she spent her junior year of college abroad in France in the 1950s, at a time when such adventures were rare, especially for women. There was, of course, no email communication home. In fact, Adam says there probably weren’t many phone calls either; she instead wrote letters to family and friends to tell about her experience. She later taught French, including in England and for fifteen years at Noble & Greenough School in Dedham.

It was in the United Kingdom where she met her husband Brian. The two were married in 1964 and had their first two children while living overseas. A few years later, they would move to Massachusetts, where her family was from, and where their youngest child, Adam, was born.

"She was very present to her everyday experience," Adam remembers. "Flora and fauna, nature, animals, the cycles of the moon, the weather, friends in her neighborhood, taking walks. She really did take joy in daily life and activities and attention to small things."

Julia adds "She valued people very much equally. She very much rejected hierarchies and snobbery and had a very open heart and a sort of appreciation for everyone. We didn't feel like we had to become a doctor or a lawyer. We could have gone into any career, as long as we were happy in what we did."

Nancy faced significant challenges, including caring for family members with mental illness and weathering profound losses. Yet she approached these difficulties with the same grace and strength that characterized her entire life.

A Different Kind of Healthcare

For Julia and Adam, their mother's time at the hospice house revealed a side of healthcare they had never experienced. It started with walking through the building itself.

"The building is beautiful, the way that it was designed to allow space for families," Adam explains. "We could both be there with our mother, and then, when we needed some time, we could go out into one of those lovely open spaces and recoup or talk. And when friends came to visit, we could receive them there, instead of in a hallway or the parking lot."

Beyond the building itself, the family quickly discovered that the team who works there brought a different level of attention and care.

"It was just a revelation, the experience of having access to medical professionals who would just sit and talk at length," Julia explains. "Father Dan (Twomey), the chaplain, was a constant and comforting presence. And the nurses would be always checking in. It was a form of health care that I don't think either of us had ever even got close to experiencing. It really was a remarkable and healing experience."

The family was clear about their priorities from the start. Nancy's main concern was pain control. During her time there, the team was consistently checking her medication and  pain levels to ensure she was comfortable.

For the first two and a half days, Nancy was able to talk occasionally with her children and appreciate her surroundings. A music therapist visited, which Julia found "quite lovely." Then Nancy slept peacefully for most of her remaining time, surrounded by love.

“I feel like the whole experience was just very deeply humane,” Julia adds. “And that space certainly allowed me to actually process and be with her and ourselves. That's a pretty big gift."

A Lasting Tribute

After Nancy's death, Julia and Adam chose to honor their mother's memory with a tribute brick in the Garden of Remembrance outside the hospice house, a space they had walked through during their week there during times of reflection. For them, it represents not just their mother's memory, but their gratitude for the compassionate care that made her final days as peaceful as she had hoped.

Their experience transformed their understanding of what end-of-life care could be, appreciating the holistic approach that focuses on a person’s dignity and wishes.

As Adam notes, Nancy's decision to choose hospice demonstrated the same attention to daily life and relationships that had always defined her.

"The ways that she interacted with the world, and her sense of priorities and values, really informed how her life ended as well, in a good way."