Helping Grieving Children

Posted on June 6, 2017 by Care Dimensions by Kristen Goodhue, Children’s Program Coordinator at Care Dimensions
  Most children experience loss at some point in their childhood – a grandparent dies, a parent becomes seriously ill or a best friend moves away. Experts say that intense grief could last, on average, about two to three years in adults. For children, grief feelings can last even longer.

Feelings of grief can reappear at different developmental stages throughout childhood when parents least expect it. Sudden outbursts, questions about when the person who died will return, frustration and even trouble concentrating at school may be grief-related reactions. Even more important to note is that these recurring feelings can be more intense than when the loss first occurred.

It is natural for parents to want to ease their children’s grief or even prevent it altogether. The key is to prepare your children at the time of loss to promote long-term healing. Parents should try to participate in play activities whenever possible because they ease the grief process and children find them enjoyable and easy to relate to.

Expressive art activities also helps children share complex feelings that have sometimes been hidden or repressed. There are several simple and stimulating grief-related activities that parents can use with their children to commemorate and remember their loved one.

Interview someone special. Encourage children to interview a loved one such as a grandparent or parent who may be ill. This will give your child the opportunity to have their questions answered about the life of their loved one. Help your child create a memorial where she records answers to questions such as: what is your favorite color; what do you remember most about me at age one, five or ten; how did we spend our times together; what are your special memories; how did you meet “grandpa”; when is your birthday and what were you like when you were my age. A memory book is something concrete for the child to keep for years to come.

Memory treasure boxes are great for the entire family because they cultivate joyous memories and help family members remember loving experiences shared with the loved one. You will need a shoe box, old magazines, scissors, glue, markers and miscellaneous art/craft decorations. Cover the boxes with cut-outs from magazines to represent things that remind you of the loved one. Fill the memory box with treasured memorabilia or special items significant to the loved one.

Drawing is a fun and creative way to help explain to children what they may experience at a funeral or wake. This can alleviate their fears about what they might expect and give them the opportunity to talk and ask questions. By giving them materials for drawing, you’ll create a sense of safety and an environment of love and caring. It’s important to draw with them and discuss what each of you is creating. Ask them to explain what they are drawing; sometimes you might be surprised by their explanation.

A worry box helps ease the stress caused by worrying. Children may be hesitant to open up if they see parents and siblings feeling stressed. A child may feel intimidated and upset asking questions about the loved one who is ill or has passed away. A worry box creates an opportunity for the entire family to privately write questions and concerns on paper before bed time. In the morning, someone can choose a question from the box and discuss it aloud together as a family. This reminds children that they aren’t alone in their grief.

Grief counselors and Child Life Specialists can also play an important role in helping children navigate the healing process. At Care Dimensions, we offer several ways for children who are grieving to explore and work through their grief with both peers who have also lost a loved one and with trained, professional grief counselors.

In addition to ongoing children’s support groups, our annual Camp Stepping Stones is a unique and non-traditional summer camp for children who have experienced the death of a loved one. For more information about the next camp, email [email protected], or call 855-744-5100.